


i've waited for you (have you?)

by sunshineashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cashton, Drunk!Ashton, Fluff, M/M, Smut, a bit of angst, luke and michael make sex jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 19:30:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16204160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineashton/pseuds/sunshineashton
Summary: Calum is convinced Ashton doesn't love him in the not-bro way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first fic, hope u guys enjoy! also, this is barely edited and most of it was typed on my phone, so i apologize in advance for grammar or spelling mistakes.

“We’re fucking wasted,” Ashton giggles, as he attempts (and fails) at steadying himself against Calum.

Calum smiles at his antics, and brings Ashton’s right arm over his shoulder, guiding him outside the building. “It’s just you, Ash.”

Ashton’s alcohol-muddled brain suddenly registers the cold air of the atmosphere outside the bar. “We’re leaving?”

“We have to, we told Mikey and Luke we’d work on a new song tomorrow,” Calum replies.

Ashton drunkenly leans his head on Calum’s shoulder as they make their way towards Calum’s car. Calum resists the urge to pull him closer.

“Do we have to?” Ashton murmurs.

Calum’s breath hitches, still caught up in the feeling of Ashton’s head on his shoulder, as if they weren’t friends, as if they were more than -

_No._ Calum snaps himself back to reality. He tells himself for the millionth time that appreciating Ashton’s smiles and laughs and what he wears and the way he talks and the way he looks after a long day or a day spent lounging in bed is completely normal. He tells himself that looking at those lips and wondering what they would feel like against his own and what it would feel like to have Ashton on top of him is completely heterosexual.

“Cal?” Ash’s voice brings him out of his thoughts.

“Uh, no, yeah, we gotta show up tomorrow,” Calum grunts, opening the passenger side door and helping Ashton climb in before walking around to the other side of the car.

Once they're out of the parking lot and on the road home, Ashton breaks the silence. “Do you - do you ever get lonely?” he slurs.

_Only when I’m not with you._ “Sure,” Calum replies shortly, trying to push his thoughts away.

“Me too,” Ash says.

“Oh.”

An upbeat pop song plays faintly on the radio as silence overcomes the pair again.

“Do you wanna stay over? Sleep in my room if you want? That way we won't -” Ashton reaches across, attempting to tap Calum on the nose, and missing in his drunken state and poking him in the chin instead, “be alone.”

“I'll pass,” Calum says quickly, pushing away images of intertwined bodies and the blue comforter that smelled like Ashton’s melon body wash.

For a second, Ashton looks genuinely hurt, and Calum winces at his expression. But it doesn't seem to last, as Ashton giggles again for no reason at all other than the fact that he's really drunk. Calum chuckles, because Ashton's giggle is really fucking contagious. And also because he likes seeing and hearing him laugh, but he doesn't admit it.

After Calum helps Ashton through the door of Ashton's house and puts him on the sofa, with the older man already half-asleep, Calum pauses for a moment over Ashton's still form. He takes in the way Ashton’s hair curls on his forehead and the sheen layer of sweat on his face.

There's a beat before Calum realizes it's becoming creepy how much he's staring at Ashton.

There's another beat before Calum realizes he's been doing this a lot. Much more than normal.

There in the dimly lit space of Ashton's living room, it dawns on Calum that he's in love with his best friend.

And he doesn't deny it this time.

\--

They're taking a short break in the studio the next day when Michael pulls Calum aside.

“What's up with you, man?” Michael asks, his brow furrowing.

“Nothing,” Calum replies as nonchalantly as possible.

 “Bullshit. You've barely spoken this entire morning.”

“I'm just tired,” Calum lies, cursing himself when he lets his eyes drift to Ashton, who is curling up in his hoodie on the nearby couch a nursing a “hella hellish hangover.”

Michael notices the glance and softens. “You and I both know that's not true. What's up?”

Calum wants to scream out that he fucking loves Ashton, and that he can't stop looking at him and marvelling at how amazing he is. He wants the world to know how much he wants Ashton Fletcher Irwin to be his. But he can't. And he doesn't know why.

“Calum. What's wrong?”

_Not right now. Not with Ash here._ “Later, Mike. I promise,” Calum sighs, regretting it almost immediately.

They go back in for another round of revising before calling it a day and going to Ashton's for the rest of the afternoon.

Michael waits for Luke and Ashton to leave to get food before asking Calum again, during a commercial break in between a rerun of a Seinfeld episode.

Calum runs a hand over his eyes. _I can't believe I'm doing this._ “Just promise you won't be a dick or anything, goddammit.”

Michael is a little bit surprised at how distressed Calum is. “Yeah, no, I would never be, Cal, what's wrong?"

“I’minlovewithAshandIcan’tdenyitanymore,” Calum says breathlessly.

“What?”

“I love Ash. I'm in love with him.” Calum can feel his cheeks burning up.

“Oh,” Michael says.

Silence.

“Say something, anything, please,” Calum groans.

“So like, you're gay.”

“I honestly don't know. Ash is the first guy, I guess, that I've been ‘gay’ for.” Calum cannot believe he's told someone.

“Well, okay. That's great. Thanks for telling me,” Michael says awkwardly after silence overcomes them once again.

Calum wants to tell Ashton. He wants -

“I want Ash to feel the same,” Calum blurts. “And I know he doesn't, and it hurts so bad, Mike, and he doesn't even know how much he's breaking my heart everytime he -”

“You don't know for sure that he doesn't, Cal,” Michael says quietly.

“He's straight, Mike.”

“So were you, supposedly,” Michael points out. “Just tell him. It's Ash. He won't judge, you know that.”

Calum tries to take the confidence Michael has behind those words and use it to confront Ashton about it. He even practices by taking a deep breath and telling Luke as he's walking him out of Ashton's house a couple hours later (“I know it hurts, man,” Luke said, starting his car, “but Ashton deserves to know.”). But he can't bring himself to do it.

“I'll do it after dinner” turns into “I'll do it in the morning.” That turns into “I'll do it after lunch,” which turns into “I'll do it tomorrow.” Calum puts it off, _almost_ forgets about it until Michael texts him at around five pm on a Friday while Calum’s eating some chips in his kitchen, almost a week later.

**mike: so have u told him yet**

Calum curses his fears as he types back a “no.”

**mike: dude u have to eventually plus u know ash would never hate u**

**mike: he's a feelings kinda guy**

Calum types out “but is he a feelings for me kinda guy” but deletes it, sending an “ok” and then a “i will.” Michael leaves him on read, and his phone pings with another text.

**luke: michael told me what's up**

**luke: gl and ik it'll turn out ok dw**

Calum bites his lip as he types out a “thanks.” He grabs his house keys, and proceeds to walk out of his house, not stopping until he reaches the house next door.


	2. Chapter 2

Calum knows Ashton's home. Friday nights are usually occupied by hours of watching comedies or bad horror movies in bed. Calum joined Ashton for these movie nights once, but turned down invitations afterwards because he realized he had started paying more attention to the man next to him than the characters on-screen, and therefore could not make any small talk about the dumb movie they just watched.

 _Don't back down now, you little shit,_ he tells himself. Calum takes a deep breath, and rings the doorbell.

Around thirty seconds have elapsed when Ashton finally opens the door. His hair is a mess of golden curls, his old Avengers shirt is rumpled and half-tucked into the waistband of his black sweatpants.

“Oh, hey Cal,” Ashton says, running his hand through his hair. “Did you finally miss watching The Office with me?”

“Ha ha,” Calum responds dryly. “I don't miss watching anything with you.”

It comes out harsher than expected, and the same expression of pain that ran across Ashton's face the other night flits across his face again.

“Wow, I am offended,” Ashton laughs it off, stepping away from the door. “But you can come inside, as you look like you are in desperate need of attention, as usual.”

Calum rolls his eyes and smiles. Yet another thing he loved about Ashton - Calum could be so nervous he would be about to wet his pants and Ashton could make him forget about it all for a second.

Ashton closes the door behind Calum. “So, did you wanna watch a movie anyways?”

“Sure, just this one time, because I feel so bad for you.” Calum takes another stab at Ashton as an attempt at swallowing his nerves.

They're halfway through an episode, their legs under the covers and backs propped up against the pillows, when Calum reminds himself of why he's at Ashton's in the first place. He reaches across the bed for the remote and presses pause, turning to look at Ashton, who is mildly confused.

“Ash, I need to tell you something, but after I do, I need you to promise you won't say some random shit just to make me feel better,” Calum says, his heart pounding.

Ashton smiles nervously. “Okay.”

Deep inhale. Exhale. “I like you. Actually, I'm in love with you. Not in the bro kind of way. Like the gay kind of way. And I'm sorry that I just ruined our friendship.”

Calum gulps, watching Ashton wrap his head around the words.

“I'm really sorry, Ash.” Calum blinks back the tears and turns away. He'd told himself to not get all fucking emotional, but here he was. “I'll leave right now if -”

“Wait, Cal.”

Calum looks up.

“I - I guess…I think I love you too,” Ashton says.

Heat boils in Calum's belly. Calum’s angry, not at Ashton, but at himself, for even having feelings. “You said you wouldn't lie to me like that.”

“I'm not, Cal, I -”

“It's fine, Ashton, I'll get over it,” Calum says tightly, pushing the blanket off his legs and getting up from the bed. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

He's halfway out of Ashton's bedroom when he feels a hand around his elbow, steering him to face a pair of hazel eyes. “I love you,” Ashton whispers.

Calum is frozen, but he manages to blurt out a “no you don't.”

“I do,” Ashton says, the hand on Calum's elbow now grabbing on to the collar of Calum's worn out Green Day t-shirt.

And then suddenly, Ashton's lips are brushing against Calum's ever so lightly, as if Ashton's scared of Calum trying to leave again. Calum brushes his lips back just as lightly, and just as scared that Ashton doesn't mean what he said or what he's doing.

But the two meet in the middle, and all Calum is thinking is _finally, finally._

Their lips crash together with almost bruising force. Calum slowly inches his right hand to rest on Ashton's cheek, his other arm wrapping tightly around Ashton's waist, trying to pull him closer. Ashton has both hands on either side of Calum's face, trying to kiss all of Calum's worries away.

Calum opens his mouth, and he feels Ashton tentatively licking at the outside of his bottom lip, before becoming more confident and tasting the inside of Calum's mouth. Calum moans as Ashton licks over that one spot behind his top lip. He feels his jeans tighten, and his face burns when he feels Ashton's erection through his sweatpants.

They break apart for air and assessment.

“So,” Ashton pants, “believe me now?”

Calum can only manage a weak “yes.”

Ashton looks down at their very prominent bulges and asks nervously, “So, uh, you wanna do something about these?”

“Only if you want to,” Calum replies just as nervously, realizing that this is real, not one of his fantasies anymore.

Something softens behind Ashton's eyes as he nods.

Calum leans in and kisses Ashton gently, their tongues entering each other's mouths as he walks them both towards the bed. The back of Ashton's knees hit the edge of the mattress, and they both inch upwards until both their bodies are fully on top of the bed. Calum’s hands are tugging at the hem of Ashton’s shirt when he breaks apart from their kiss and looks down on the man below him. He’s not sure about being on top, but Ashton looks pretty comfortable, and Calum loves him, so he goes with it. “You're sure about this?” Calum asks.

Ashton places a hand around one of Calum's wrists and pulls upwards, a small section of light skin being exposed. “I love you,” Ashton says for the third time that night.

Calum whispers back an “I love you too” before moving downwards and pushing Ashton's shirt up, kissing every inch of skin that is exposed. He throws the garment somewhere in the room, sucking marks into the side of Ashton's neck and relishing in the small sighs he's eliciting from the man below him.

Calum kisses every bit of exposed skin for minutes, worshipping the love he has had for so long. Ashton is getting impatient. He gently pushes Calum away from his neck.

“Am I going too fast?” Calum asks, worried.

“Actually, you're going too slow. It's getting…really tight,” Ashton replies.

Calum's mouth makes a small “o,” and he moves down to Ashton's waist, kissing the fine hair right above the waistband of his sweatpants before pulling them and Ashton's boxers down and off of his ankles in one go.

Calum pauses for a moment, and looks Ashton up and down, from the messy hair to the flushed cheeks and the fast-rising chest, to the head of his dick resting tightly against his belly and the way he had instinctively spread his legs and propped them up, the bottoms of his feet on top of the mattress. Ashton Irwin is a work of art.

“Like what you see?” Ashton grins.

“Fuck yeah.” Calum smiles back, but stops, hesitant about what he wants.

“If you wanna ask for something, just ask. I'm fucking naked and we kissed, nothing is weird anymore,” Ashton says.

“Can you - can you be on top?” Calum asks. “Sorry, I just don't want to feel too...dominant.”

Ashton gets up, pulls Calum back down against the mattress, and whispers, “Thought you'd never ask.”

Calum groans as Ashton kisses and sucks at his neck, breaking apart only to pull Calum's shirt over his head. The kiss roughly for a couple minutes before Ashton moves down, unzipping Calum's jeans only after a nod of consent from the black-haired man. He pulls Calum's jeans and boxers off and tosses them somewhere, kissing back up the inside of Calum's leg. Calum hisses with anticipation, spreading his legs to let Ashton get between him.

Ashton keeps kissing him everywhere except the place Calum needs him the most. “Please,” Calum whimpers, and that was all it took.

Ashton licks the vein on the underside of Calum's cock, making direct eye contact with the other man as Calum watches and curls his fists into the sheets. As Ashton licks and sucks his way around, Calum moans louder and louder until he knows that if Ashton touches him with even a finger, he will come.

“Fuck, I need you inside me, now, please,” Calum begs, as Ashton runs his hand across his lower stomach.

Suddenly, Ashton stops touching Cal and kneels in between his legs, uncertain. “Um, I've never done this before.”

Calum brings himself back to the present. “Shit, sorry, me neither. Um, I think you...open me up. With your fingers. And lube, if you have it?”

Ashton gets off the bed and opens the bottom drawer of his nightstand, taking out a blue tube and uncapping it. He sees the foil packets at the bottom drawer and grabs them too, both he and Calum blushing as he places them on the mattress.

“Okay, tell me if it hurts.” Ashton squeezes the gel onto three of his fingers and kneels between Calum's spread legs again, his cock painfully red and leaking precome. The tip of his index finger ghosts against the rim of Calum's hole, and Calum gasps.

“Just do it, Ash.”

Ashton slowly pushes his finger into Calum, stopping whenever Calum clenched up and waiting until he relaxed. Calum was so beautiful like this, his eyes closed and his hands grasping at the sheets, his body shining with a thin layer of sweat.

Ashton eventually gets an entire finger into Calum and starts moving it in and out, feeling Calum's hole widen around it. Calum's hisses of pain start turning into moans of pleasure, and Ashton gladly gives it all to him.

“Another one, give me another,” Calum gasps, grabbing his cock with one hand to keep himself from coming prematurely.

Ashton obliges and pushes another finger into Calum slowly, opening Calum up even more and pumping in and out at a steady rate, getting more and more aroused at every sound Calum made.

“Oh my god, Ash, feels so good, keep going, Ash,” Calum moans, writhing.

Ashton adds the third finger, pushing in and out once more and brushing against a spot inside that makes Calum's back arch beautifully off of the bed. He curls his fingers again, getting drunk on how responsive Calum is.

“Okay, Ash, go, I'm ready,” Calum pants, looking down at the blown eyes of his lover.

Ashton wipes his fingers on the edge of the bed and tears open one of the foil packets, slipping the condom on over his cock. He groans as he watches Calum's hole clench involuntarily around nothing, and Calum runs his tongue across his top lip as he watches Ashton squeeze some lube onto his dick.

When Ashton finally leans down, he pushes into Calum with all the love that he has. Calum lets him in with all the love that Ashton needs.

Ashton pushes in, slowly, and bottoms out after a couple minutes, panting as he waits for Calum to give him the greenlight.

“Go,” Calum whispers.

Ashton starts thrusting into Calum slowly, only picking up speed when Calum starts moaning and asking for more.

“So tight, baby, wanna feel you come around my cock,” Ashton pants, reaching down in between them to stroke Calum's dick.

“I'm almost - I'm so close, Ash,” Calum moans, nails digging into Ashton's back.

Ashton holds out, keeps thrusting until he feels Calum tighten around him, liquid spurting between them, and a long, low moan dragged out from Calum's well-kissed, swollen lips.

Ashton thrusts a couple more times before orgasming himself, groaning loudly. He pulls out of Calum and disposes of the condom, kissing the other man gently before heading into the bathroom for a washcloth. When he comes back into the room, seeing Calum lying bare and spent on his bed is almost surreal.

Calum takes the towel from Ashton and cleans them both up, tossing the washcloth somewhere on the ground. They get underneath the covers, Calum pulling Ashton’s back against his chest.

They lay in silence, just listening to the sound of each other's breathing.

“I love you so fucking much,” Calum says, wanting to hold on and never let go.

“I love you too,” Ashton replies softly, closing his eyes.

\--

When Calum wakes the next morning, Ashton’s side of the bed is cold, and his clothes are gone from the floor.

Calum's heart sinks. He grabs his boxers from the floor and puts them on. Calum lays back down on the bed, trying to figure out how he'll face Ashton on Monday, when Michael Gordon Clifford interrupts his train of thought.

“WHAT THE FUCK, ASHTON? YOU FUCKING IDIOT, I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU -” Michael is cut off by an equally angry Luke.

“I DIDN'T WAKE UP AT TEN AM ON A SATURDAY MORNING TO PICK MIKE UP AND DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE TO CHECK ON YOU GUYS FOR THIS BULLSHIT! GET YOUR LITTLE ASS BACK UPSTAIRS MOTHERFUCKER!”

Calum lets a tear loose, and it runs down the side of his face, more welling up in his eyes. He lets them fall. It's a lost cause. Ashton never did love him - it was just to appease him, to ease the pain for a night.

He's full-on sobbing, feeling his heart split cleanly in two, and curled up on his side when he feels an arm curl around his waist.

“I'm sorry,” Ashton murmurs into his shoulder.

“Fuck off. I told you that you didn't have to say it back just to make me feel better.” Calum's voice is thick with tears. “Just go away, Ash, I'll be fine.”

“No, you won't.”

“You don't love me, okay? Stop lying and just go,” Calum says bitterly.

“I only left because I was scared of what was going to change because of last night,” Ashton confesses quickly, in one breath.

Calum sniffles, his back still to Ashton. “Why would you be?”

“Because I don't know how to do this. I don't know to date you, to be the other half of a person that I'm already the other half of, but just differently now.”

Calum turns, now facing Ashton. “We'll do it together,” he whispers, feeling his heart stitch itself back together.

Ashton leans forward and kisses the tears off of Calum's cheeks, as softly as he kissed Calum for the first time the night before.

\--

“Thank god you two are fine,” Michael says, eating Froot Loops straight from the bag at the kitchen island when Calum and Ashton walk downstairs together half an hour later. “I was about to murder Ashton with his own cutlery.”

Luke is sitting at the kitchen table, socked feet on the tabletop and scrolling through Twitter. “This is the kind of reason I wake up at ten am on a Saturday for, Michael. Don't ever call me up this early to take your lazy ass to 7-11 again,” he says.

“It was one time, Luke, don't be a bitch.”

“Okay, please stop arguing, you're ruining my morning aura,” Ashton declares, kissing Calum on the side of the head and going to the cupboard to grab bowls for cereal.

“What, just because you've fucked Calum doesn't mean you get to order us around,” Luke jokes.

Calum chokes on nothing.

Michael doesn't miss a beat. “Did you do that last night too, Calum?”

“Fuck you,” Calum says, but he's smiling.

Luke chimes in. “Were you talking to Michael or Ash-”

Ashton cuts him off. “Enough with the sex jokes, please.”

Michael grins. “But seriously, guys. I'm glad you like, finally hooked up.”

“Me too,” Calum says.

“I love you,” Ashton says for absolutely no reason except the fact that he loves Calum.

“I love you too,” Calum replies happily.

“Oh my god, stop it, you're ruining my morning aura,” Luke mocks.

Ashton and Calum ignore him. They have each other, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it! i'm currently working on another cashton fic, see you guys soon xx


End file.
